Monday, December 29, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Unabridged stream of thought...
Day1:
what goes around, comes around...I am writing this one during the busy hour, 4:00 PM, well actually not the usual busy one though but for me it is as I start my work just about then. No particular reason for the title except for the fact that it has come from subconscious self and I usually do not like to ignore what it says. This week has been hectic, especially because of the fact that this is the fourth state I have been in just the first four days. My first experience with two things, one that seemed very fake but was actually real another seemed very real but was fake. I bet you didn't understand a bit and I do not expect that you do. This is, as far as I know, just e-thinking... If I haven't teased you enough, I am going to make references to the two things I was referring to above in a couple of places through this blog and you with your inimitable intellectual power have to decipher and tell me what is real and what is not. That's it for now folks... I have exhausted both my time and creative energy to write any further. Tune in later to hear more on the puzzle.
Day2:
I Just want to know who I am...Random thoughts, Random Ideas... You never know what goes on in a human mind. It is not just difficult but also impossible to capture these thoughts and ideas in a passage. It's a very beautiful friday morning and I am as usual keeping my self busy finishing up(cleaning up) stuff for the week. A chore for me, like it or not you've got to do it. Do you ever get the feeling that the place where you belong to isn't where you want to be and the place you want to be is what you are not comfortable in. Its hard to describe this feeling unless you experience it first hand. An Alien in the land of A, that's what I call thy self and everyone similar. Most people do not realize what a great opportunity they've got in being a first generation immigrant in the land of immigrants. Most people don't understand that it is not just a new place of work but that they are experiencing a new culture first hand. I still can't convince my self that this is a completely new culture as in a way I have, we have lived all our lives either this way or aspiring to be this way. But at some level we are still different and that will never change much.
What does america mean to you?I have been trying to answer this question for the past one year and am sure every one has a different opinion about this. As with any topic about or involving Indians, this might also lead to endlesss debates about the positive and negative aspects of a country, the cultures blah...But if you ask me to stop, hold my breath and give the most genuine answer, I will say without hesitation that America is where I can be my self. This obviously is going to start a huge debate and am pretty sure I am going to get some interesting opinions from people. But frankly, thats what it is all about. For an average middle-class indian who is more often than not tied down with dogma on how things should be done, how his life should be, staying in the united states could be a relief. Thats probably true for any immigrant in a foreign land. If you are in a place where at best you know only a handful of people, you tend to be yourself in a way enjoying every bit of what you are with out caring about what others around are doing. The same is particularly true if you are staying a rural community here in the United States, where things are much more simple as compared to an average rural community in India. You can actually find that people are actually laid back, with little or no connections with the outer world at least not to an extent where those connections start interfering with your day to day life...so different compared to any village in India where an average conversation between two middle-aged ladies fetching water from a parched well or a near by creek can be about their sons or relatives' sons living abroad.
Well, almost. America is still a land of a million(3 million) indians and there still could be the usual dogma on how a boy coming here should be graduating either from a well reputed university or slogging his butt off on the well-trodden software path, on how he should not be ogling at all the white skin at his disposal... But at a certain level no one cares. You live and let live... If my recent visit to a genleman's club was any representation of this true freedom (I would like to call that). I am pretty sure that there could me more than a few of my distant or close relatives in the crowd and I would have definitely cared about this fact if it were India, but here who gives a damn. I bump in to a cousin at such a place, am pretty sure I would given the sheer number of cousins I have staying here, I would just say hi and talk as if I met him in a marriage reception.
what goes around, comes around...I am writing this one during the busy hour, 4:00 PM, well actually not the usual busy one though but for me it is as I start my work just about then. No particular reason for the title except for the fact that it has come from subconscious self and I usually do not like to ignore what it says. This week has been hectic, especially because of the fact that this is the fourth state I have been in just the first four days. My first experience with two things, one that seemed very fake but was actually real another seemed very real but was fake. I bet you didn't understand a bit and I do not expect that you do. This is, as far as I know, just e-thinking... If I haven't teased you enough, I am going to make references to the two things I was referring to above in a couple of places through this blog and you with your inimitable intellectual power have to decipher and tell me what is real and what is not. That's it for now folks... I have exhausted both my time and creative energy to write any further. Tune in later to hear more on the puzzle.
Day2:
I Just want to know who I am...Random thoughts, Random Ideas... You never know what goes on in a human mind. It is not just difficult but also impossible to capture these thoughts and ideas in a passage. It's a very beautiful friday morning and I am as usual keeping my self busy finishing up(cleaning up) stuff for the week. A chore for me, like it or not you've got to do it. Do you ever get the feeling that the place where you belong to isn't where you want to be and the place you want to be is what you are not comfortable in. Its hard to describe this feeling unless you experience it first hand. An Alien in the land of A, that's what I call thy self and everyone similar. Most people do not realize what a great opportunity they've got in being a first generation immigrant in the land of immigrants. Most people don't understand that it is not just a new place of work but that they are experiencing a new culture first hand. I still can't convince my self that this is a completely new culture as in a way I have, we have lived all our lives either this way or aspiring to be this way. But at some level we are still different and that will never change much.
What does america mean to you?I have been trying to answer this question for the past one year and am sure every one has a different opinion about this. As with any topic about or involving Indians, this might also lead to endlesss debates about the positive and negative aspects of a country, the cultures blah...But if you ask me to stop, hold my breath and give the most genuine answer, I will say without hesitation that America is where I can be my self. This obviously is going to start a huge debate and am pretty sure I am going to get some interesting opinions from people. But frankly, thats what it is all about. For an average middle-class indian who is more often than not tied down with dogma on how things should be done, how his life should be, staying in the united states could be a relief. Thats probably true for any immigrant in a foreign land. If you are in a place where at best you know only a handful of people, you tend to be yourself in a way enjoying every bit of what you are with out caring about what others around are doing. The same is particularly true if you are staying a rural community here in the United States, where things are much more simple as compared to an average rural community in India. You can actually find that people are actually laid back, with little or no connections with the outer world at least not to an extent where those connections start interfering with your day to day life...so different compared to any village in India where an average conversation between two middle-aged ladies fetching water from a parched well or a near by creek can be about their sons or relatives' sons living abroad.
Well, almost. America is still a land of a million(3 million) indians and there still could be the usual dogma on how a boy coming here should be graduating either from a well reputed university or slogging his butt off on the well-trodden software path, on how he should not be ogling at all the white skin at his disposal... But at a certain level no one cares. You live and let live... If my recent visit to a genleman's club was any representation of this true freedom (I would like to call that). I am pretty sure that there could me more than a few of my distant or close relatives in the crowd and I would have definitely cared about this fact if it were India, but here who gives a damn. I bump in to a cousin at such a place, am pretty sure I would given the sheer number of cousins I have staying here, I would just say hi and talk as if I met him in a marriage reception.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Adaptation...
Ever since I wrote my first blog entry on this very own web address I knew one thing. This is the thing, this is where I want to end it all... I want to be a writer.
Like many things that a person wants writing is something that may or may not come in naturally. My problem with writing has been continuity, I start strong but end up either losing interest or get too engrossed in the nitty-grittys of language that i forget the essence of what i was planning to pen down.
I guess its a problem of adaptation, the topics I attempt to pen are usually more in to the realm of the abstract world and hence do not have the drama that keeps it going. But whenever I think about that I always imagine why should there be drama in what you write... there isn't enough drama in life, I am literally doing the same kind of job over the past 5 years with nothing but minuscule atmospheric changes ( I seriously consider my move to the united states no more than an atmospheric change). Really, without drama who would even have a darn little interest in reading what I write leave alone my lack of interest in completing my numerous incomplete blog entries. But, I will try... I will try to write something abstract as much as life can get. I will one day narrate stories that neither have a beginning nor an end, neither have a happy ending nor a sad ending, stories that are absolutely non-judgemental, un-summarizable yet completely believable and relatable...
Life is such a great manuscript that is written only once, no edits no rewrites...
Excerpts from this manuscript called Life can be great stories... for instance a small set of stories on the most influential people one meets in their lifetime. Most of the time these meetings last only for a while but end up in memories that are recalled almost everyday in the rest of your life. One might not do anything to relive those memories or meet those people again but they still are very cherished. The thing with memories is that they are great as long as they remain so, if you try to relive them you may not even like them anymore.
This is as much as I can write on abstract items. Hope I can do better and induce more sense in to this complex madness called life which is as abstract as it can get. I am definitely not trying to get this blog to a logical end because there is none... just like my thought process it goes on and on with minor coffee breaks called sleep....
Like many things that a person wants writing is something that may or may not come in naturally. My problem with writing has been continuity, I start strong but end up either losing interest or get too engrossed in the nitty-grittys of language that i forget the essence of what i was planning to pen down.
I guess its a problem of adaptation, the topics I attempt to pen are usually more in to the realm of the abstract world and hence do not have the drama that keeps it going. But whenever I think about that I always imagine why should there be drama in what you write... there isn't enough drama in life, I am literally doing the same kind of job over the past 5 years with nothing but minuscule atmospheric changes ( I seriously consider my move to the united states no more than an atmospheric change). Really, without drama who would even have a darn little interest in reading what I write leave alone my lack of interest in completing my numerous incomplete blog entries. But, I will try... I will try to write something abstract as much as life can get. I will one day narrate stories that neither have a beginning nor an end, neither have a happy ending nor a sad ending, stories that are absolutely non-judgemental, un-summarizable yet completely believable and relatable...
Life is such a great manuscript that is written only once, no edits no rewrites...
Excerpts from this manuscript called Life can be great stories... for instance a small set of stories on the most influential people one meets in their lifetime. Most of the time these meetings last only for a while but end up in memories that are recalled almost everyday in the rest of your life. One might not do anything to relive those memories or meet those people again but they still are very cherished. The thing with memories is that they are great as long as they remain so, if you try to relive them you may not even like them anymore.
This is as much as I can write on abstract items. Hope I can do better and induce more sense in to this complex madness called life which is as abstract as it can get. I am definitely not trying to get this blog to a logical end because there is none... just like my thought process it goes on and on with minor coffee breaks called sleep....
Monday, May 07, 2007
And I arrived...
I know that I had to do this now, because now is the time I feel the pinch, the tickle and the tangle that she left in me.
Its been two months since I arrived... but somehow it never felt so until now! Whats the freaking difference between what I had and what I have, I used to think ... A Desert Valley Apartment overlooking a beautiful pool, no human voice or company, and an occassional roar of the passing Davidson... all this encompassed by big A dream.
Though you have everything to pamper your physical self(well, almost) there is some kind of a dormant unhappiness everywhere... it could be my eyes or the general status quo.
I wake up in the nights, shocked and scared, thinking of lonely Tabu running out of her house after hearing the news about the death of her husband. Imagine! what can any one do... you get out of your place and scream your witts out and the only one who can hear you is yourself... and probably the passing, spine-chilling wind.
But there's a differnt dream I wanted to see too... A dream I saw through the movies and the television shows... that flaunted of unbiased friendship and love and of course the other amorous counterparts of it.
It took me two months 2 days to realize my American Dream. Long time for an average mortal one might say but I guess patience pays! So, here it goes. A tale that started of a little late on a saturday night and went on way in to Sunday and beyond ( I can still feel the effect)...
When you see so much action on TV, Internet and specially designated cinema the real thing loses the effect. A couple of minutes in to the arena and I was still amazed and was literally staring at people in disbelief. It happens I guess... but for the beers and reassuring sounds of my colleagues from work whom I wouldn't have expected to feature in my dreams, I would have never recovered my senses.
I went on to order a drink for my self and gave my self enough time to allow the environment to sink in. With every passing moment, I grew both comfortable and impatient; comfortable of the enviroment and the status quo and impatient that its not changing/progressing fast. And then she came by, moving and grooving, raising my heart rate exponentially to levels it never experienced before. And then it was done!
So far so good... an average tale with no extraordinary twist. But as I started regaining my senses, she came by again. This time to get me a drink!!! Voila... As amazed as I was I accepted hesitantly owing to my shy personality and we walked down to the bar. Quite frankly, I really could not think of a conversational topic so started off with my usual, "this is a great track... wot kind of music do you like???" Got the usual answer, "anything". It is hard to find a girl with good taste in music... so it went on for a couple of minutes, with either of us attempting at building a lasting conversation; I challenged her dance moves and she wanted me to do a dance for her...the one that's usually done on the pole right there for her and she would pay me. Huh???
And I arrived...
I really can't believe that I am going to publish this on my blog...
Its been two months since I arrived... but somehow it never felt so until now! Whats the freaking difference between what I had and what I have, I used to think ... A Desert Valley Apartment overlooking a beautiful pool, no human voice or company, and an occassional roar of the passing Davidson... all this encompassed by big A dream.
Though you have everything to pamper your physical self(well, almost) there is some kind of a dormant unhappiness everywhere... it could be my eyes or the general status quo.
I wake up in the nights, shocked and scared, thinking of lonely Tabu running out of her house after hearing the news about the death of her husband. Imagine! what can any one do... you get out of your place and scream your witts out and the only one who can hear you is yourself... and probably the passing, spine-chilling wind.
But there's a differnt dream I wanted to see too... A dream I saw through the movies and the television shows... that flaunted of unbiased friendship and love and of course the other amorous counterparts of it.
It took me two months 2 days to realize my American Dream. Long time for an average mortal one might say but I guess patience pays! So, here it goes. A tale that started of a little late on a saturday night and went on way in to Sunday and beyond ( I can still feel the effect)...
When you see so much action on TV, Internet and specially designated cinema the real thing loses the effect. A couple of minutes in to the arena and I was still amazed and was literally staring at people in disbelief. It happens I guess... but for the beers and reassuring sounds of my colleagues from work whom I wouldn't have expected to feature in my dreams, I would have never recovered my senses.
I went on to order a drink for my self and gave my self enough time to allow the environment to sink in. With every passing moment, I grew both comfortable and impatient; comfortable of the enviroment and the status quo and impatient that its not changing/progressing fast. And then she came by, moving and grooving, raising my heart rate exponentially to levels it never experienced before. And then it was done!
So far so good... an average tale with no extraordinary twist. But as I started regaining my senses, she came by again. This time to get me a drink!!! Voila... As amazed as I was I accepted hesitantly owing to my shy personality and we walked down to the bar. Quite frankly, I really could not think of a conversational topic so started off with my usual, "this is a great track... wot kind of music do you like???" Got the usual answer, "anything". It is hard to find a girl with good taste in music... so it went on for a couple of minutes, with either of us attempting at building a lasting conversation; I challenged her dance moves and she wanted me to do a dance for her...the one that's usually done on the pole right there for her and she would pay me. Huh???
And I arrived...
I really can't believe that I am going to publish this on my blog...
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